Top 10 Laws of Stand Up Comedy

Forrest Gump told us that, "Life is like a box of chocolates,you never know what you're gonna get." Forrest may have been a war hero, a ping pong champion, shook hands with President Kennedy and became wealthy owning the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co., but he was never a stand up comedian.

Stand up comedy is not like a box of chocolates. One always know what they're gonna get when they perform. Read the 10 Indisputable Laws of Stand Up Comedy and please feel free to add your own, below.

1.) When the venue is sold out, the sound system will go down.

2.) When you really need the money to pay an important bill in the morning, the agent will tell you (post show) he'll mail you a check "in two weeks." You'll actually receive it in 3 months. The day after they've repo'd your car,

3.) If you're 25 years old, the average age of the audience will be 75. They won't understand the funny Facebook bits, the texting your girlfriend after she breaks up with you bit, or your hysterical list of iPhone pet peeves. You'll never be asked back to that venue. Why? Because (according to the other comedians and the owner) "you sucked."

4.) When you are just about to go on stage, Louis CK, (who happens to be a friend of the owner) stops by to do 5 minutes. You get bumped. He ends up doing a half an hour, kills and then the audience leaves. You end up performing for a janitor and a waitress who is just waiting for her ride.

5.) When you've waited all week to perform your new, hysterical comedy routine about your used Hyundai, the comedian who appears before you does a used Hyundai bit that is ten times funnier. If you unveil your bit after him, you'll look like an ass.

6.) On the night you decide to hire a professional videographer to film your set, the host screws up your name, there are 6 people in the audience and the bartender uses the blender during your funniest stuff. Oh, and you have these gigantic sweat stains under your arms.

7.) On the evening your parents finally attend one of your shows, every comedian performing before you will use the most foul language possible.

8.) Your very first gig as a headlining performer will be canceled due to the weather. In the Northeast, it's a blizzard, in the South, it's a hurricane, in the Midwest it's a tornado and out West, it's an earthquake.

9.) No matter where you perform, while you're on stage, there will be a small group of comedians in the back talking shit about you. You can't complain, because while they're performing you're talking shit about them.

10.) The more you hate a fellow comedian, the better the chance he'll appear on Conan, Letterman or The Tonight Show and become famous.

Got an indisputable law of comedy that I've forgotten? Add it below.