My Great Grandmother's Big Delicious Dildo
67The Famous Dildo
Great Grandma called it: The Best and Biggest Dildo in the World
I was speaking with one of my cousins last night and we were reminiscing about holiday get-togethers when we were kids. They were some of the best times I've ever had. The fondest of all memories, however, is of my great grandmother. Each year she pulled out her huge dildo (great grandma wasn't an educated woman, so I guess the proper spelling would be dilldough, but she always called it dildo for short) and the family would gather around the table in awe of it's tremendous size, shape and of course, smell.
When Grandma was in the mood for dildo, you could smell it all over the neighborhood. Each year when she was finished with her dildo, she'd put in on the windowsill to cool and the neighbors would line up just to get a peek at it. The braver teenagers would sometimes be brazen enough to snatch a dildo (or two) and run into the woods with them. Sometimes my great grandmother would just laugh and let them get away with it. She knew the power of a good dildo. Other times she'd run after them and grab it right out of their hands. You didn't want to mess with my great grandmother. She may have been older, but she'd fight to protect her things. Especially her dildo.
When she was finished with her dildo, she'd sleep for hours and hours. Dealing with a dildo can be a tiring affair and grandma always gave it her best. She'd spend hours just getting ready for dildo. In fact, she had a special outfit she wore just for the occasion It was definitely her favorite thing to do.
Look at This Beautiful, Finished Dildo
The Best Dildo Ever!
When Great Grandma would have have company for dinner, her dildo was usually the first thing to disappear. That's how good it was.Oh, did I mention all her dildos were 100% hand made? Grandma insisted the best dildo was always handmade.
Unfortunately, I'm not going to be able to tell you how to make your own dildo, because my great grandmother's dildo secrets followed her to her grave. I'm not even sure how popular a good dildo is today. I'm sure in this day and age, most people with a desire for dildo simply purchase them online or perhaps in a store. Nothing like the old days, that's for sure.
If you do choose to make your own (or try someone else's) dildo, (I'm sure there are some resources on the internet that can help you), be sure to remember the following.
1.) Don't settle for a small dildo. Great Granma always said, "The bigger the dildo, the more the whole family enjoys it". Make sure your dildo is big and satisfying.
2.) Watch out for yeast buildup on your dildo. Lots of people think it's ok to have yeast on your dildo, but that is the wrong thing to let happen. Any kind of excess yeast buildup may affect the taste and smell of your dildo.
3.) Be sure to share your dildo with friends and family. That's the best part about dildo. Your family won't be able to get enough of it. That's a promise.
Have fun with your dildo and make your own great memories.
CommentsLoading...
lol very funny! You go, Granny!
Thanks Cris. It's not my fault the poor woman couldn't spell very well-but she could make a dildo that would knock your socks off.
Thanks, mykeyre@aol.com. I appreciate your stopping by.
So we're doing this again, eh? Good one! Definitely NOT a boring title!
So, JOe, do you actually make money off these warped inventions of yours. Or just have fun. Don't say both! You'll make me cry. Merry Ho Ho!
By the way, this is a subject that i've always been interested in, but was afraid to try. Maybe I'll give it a go, afterall.
Dildo huh? Well that gets the old creative juices flowing!(if you're lucky) I don't know how you came up with this one...I have an idea...but I don't know for sure. The only disturbing part is that it's your Great Grandmas dildo. (LOL) Thanks Joe, I enjoyed it.
Thanks, BT. I appreciate it. Definitely give it a go. (I find it hard to believe you've been interested in dildos, but to each his own) What have you got to lose but your Hubpages account?
Hi Bruce. Actually this hub (below) has always been a top performer. It receives approximately 150-200 views daily and makes money every single day. It's also my oldest hub, so that might make a difference.
Merry Ho Ho to you, as well:)
http://hubpages.com/hub/Please_Rate_My_Wifes_Naked
Thank you for the comment, Jim. Actually, it came about because my wife is making home made bread for Christmas and she was making fresh dough this morning. I asked her if she was going to be adding dill to it...and then had my Eureka moment.
That's pretty good traffic! B.T.'s wife's ass gets looked at roughly 30-40 times a day. I guess he should have named it differently.
Thanks, rmr. I believe it's got a lot to do with the title using the popular keywords of rate, naked and chest. (Maybe wife, too.) It's also a couple of years old.
I find it hard to believe that BT's wife's ass only gets looked at 30-40 x per day.
It's true. There are not many people interested in that old ass. The sad thing is, at 30-40 views a day, it's currently my best performing hub. Oh well, at least I have some fun, here.
I don't know what's funnier the title or the ads that Amazon generated for this Hub!
Thanks Anna. I always appreciate your comments. I could not BELIEVE that Amazon sold that stuff. I'm going to make a fortune:)
Really funny Joe, just what I needed in the early hours of Christmas Day morning. I had a Dildo once, but gave it to the charity shop (seriously) as I felt the concept was overrated.
You donated a dildo? That's hysterical. I can't believe I wrote something like this the day before Christmas. I've never been accused of having alot of class, anyway.
I'm glad you enjoyed the hub. I hope you and your lucky husband have an excellent Christmas!
Hi Joe, actually I donated a vibrator first, and many years later a dildo. The first went to OXFAM and the second went to the Red Cross.
Happy Christmas to you and your lucky Wife :)
I predict that soon somebody in Nepal will steal B.T.'s wife's naked ass, your wife's bare chest, and your grandma's dildo. Be ready to file another freakin' DMCA (DCMA? YMCA?) report.
Until then, LOL!
Merry Christmas rj!
Joe: As the person who started the "double-entredre" craze (can't believe you wrote that a couple of years ago), you have put the capper on them too, topping everyone else. Very funny and creative, though I must say that dildoes make me nervous. I'm not sure if that's because, you know, I'm afraid of what will happen when I go to prison (oh, no thank you, Mr. C Block, that hole is exit only) or maybe they remind me of a nuclear warhead secretly buried in a corn field around here somewhere, ready to appear from nowhere and anihilate the horney female populace with its thrusting power.
Very funny!
Chuckling, quite a funny hub and the words can go either way.
Cindy, you're the only person I've ever heard of who's donated a vibrator to the Red Cross. I had no idea they were even in need of them:)
Hi Pam. Thanks for stopping by. Merry Christmas! That's all I need. Someone in a third world country taking credit for my dildo and naked chest stories. I might as well retire. I was thinking that maybe you and I should team up for a hub. Call it something like, "Dildos I've worked With in the Banking Industry" I smell at least a 99 score:)
Christoph, there's nothing like getting your blessing on a hub. I seriously appreciate the compliment. I'm a little intimidated by the little plastic devils myself. I don't even want to think about Block C. I can't walk into traffic court without feeling the need to pee. You're awesome! I hope you had a fantastic Christmas.
SweetiePie. I'm blushing now that I know you've read this. Thanks for stopping by and forget I even used the word....dildo. :) :) :)
I absolutely Love 'dill dough'...everyone should try it....there is nothing like it anywhere....LOL Cheers all you nuts...G-Ma :o) Hugs
Thanks G-Ma. I'm glad there's another G-Ma out there besides mine who enjoyes her dill dough.
:)
rockinjoe, what talent! I'm not sure which made me laugh harder - how you wove such a cute story around a word that'd get any other hub flagged "adult", or finding out the Red Cross accepted a dildo as a donation.
mistyhorizon2003, was this by any chance when Bob Dole's wife was head of the Red Cross - before he began hawking Viagra??? =)
Hi JamaGenee. Thank you for the nice comment. The hub is just one of those crazy things that pop into my mouth once in awhile. I'm really glad you enjoyed it.
LOL, The Vibrator went to OXFAM and the Dildo to the Red Cross, (and I don't think either of those charities realised they needed them either. I simply hid them in bin sacks full of other donations such as clothes etc. I can just imagine what the old ladies who volunteer in these places must have thought when they unpacked them. Possibly they could have thought the vibrator was a neck massager, but goodness knows what use they came up with for the bright blue rubber dildo. :)
Sorry JamaGenee, I don't know who Bob Dole is, but this may possibly be because I live in the Channel Islands just off the coast of France, (although a part of the UK). :)
bright blue? ha ha ha ha ha!
I am taking your advice, Joe. I have procured a high quality dill dough to try out this weekend. I'm thinking it will go well with some pickle loaf. Thanks for the tip!
mistyhorizon2003, Bob Dole was for many years - too many! - the U.S. Senator from Kansas, and wife Elizabeth was head of the Red Cross before resigning to help Bob run for president. After he lost, she was elected to the Senate from North Carolina, but lost that seat in this year's elections. Meanwhile, Loser Bob became something of a national joke when he appeared in commercials for Viagra.
As for the bright blue dildo, I'd love to have been a fly on the wall when the sorting ladies got to the bottom of *that* bag!
Thanks, B.T. Now that you mention it, I had a great uncle who I suspected enjoyed pickle loaf.
"Dilled Pickles"...of course Hee hee :o) Hugs G-Ma
LOL JamaGee, thanks for the explanation. I wish I could have seen their faces too, as they were so sweet when I handed over the three large bags of donations to them, but I guess that was before they unpacked them :) Blame my Hubby, he is the one who thought it was a good gift to buy for me, and completely failed to realise that a woman needs more than just a shaped object to impress her, and demands a little more of a 'buzz' to make it worth having :)
great hub - rockinjoe - still laughing - I do love a good spelling mistake! - followed closely by a degenerative slide --- re. copying of hubpages(mine & that of others of course) I just noticed after I googled "16 signs" (of infidelity) that an individual has plagiarised, used my stuff but reworded to make it hers - changed all the para wording - even to the *16 signs* - hers appears to be quite popular so not funny at all and nothing I can do ....hope you had a good one - keep writing....cheers
ps mine was written and published first ....
G-Ma! You're too funny. I have to start keeping my eye on you. I don't need people who are funnier than I am in my hubs:)
Hi Cindy, you're something else. I can't blame your husband because he's obviously got tremendous taste. Maybe you just needed a larger battery?
Thanks ajcor. Very sweet of you to stop by and comment. You got ripped off? That's a shame. Did you get flagged for duplicate content with Hubpages? You should send an email to the site AND to the company hosting the site. It's worth a shot. Please let us know how you made out:)
Nah Joe, the Vibrator was one of the original models and before I met my current Husband. Basically it was solid, hard plastic and no flexibility whatsoever. And as for the Dildo he bought me, well, as you know, they do nothing other than fill a gap :)
Hey Joe, did anyone ever have the courage to explain to you Great Gran just what a dildo is used for ?
What a shame such a lovely family tradition didn't get passed down beyond your great grandmother. Still, it's great that you (and the brazen teenager neighbors) have such vivid memories of your great grandma's dilldo. Did she also make donuts?
Cindy, you're just too much. Sometimes you leave me speechless. A very rare moment for me.
Hi agvulpes. I don't think my great grandma had the courage to explain it to us:)
Hello, there, Mighty Mom. It took me a second, but I got it. Thanks for the laugh. You're such a trip:)
Thanks, Mighty Mom, for providing the subject for rockinjoe's next ROTFLMAO "dough" hub! =) Took me a second to get it too!
I just noticed something. My, great grandmother... what hairy forearms you have!
Thanks, Mighty Mom. Yeah, Grandma didn't like to talk about that.:)
So I see her dildo is used by both men and women,that would not be a first.Im sure my grandmother has had one in her life time.
Thanks, Jamie. I really appreciate the nice compliment.
You tricked me into reading your grandma's dildo! lol hahahahahahahhahahahah. I love it nevertheless.
Glad I'm your fun. You naughty grandson from grandma's dildo!
Glad you enjoyed the hub, Sheena. Thanks for checking in:)
Utterly ridiculous as well as entertaining. You had me at hello.
So, ok...I mispelled fan. hahahah. I wasn't a fan yet when I wrote this, I realize that now. LOL
I believe it's got a lot to do with the title using the popular keywords
Awesome!
Thanks, newblender
OMG! This one got me... I don't even think I can think about the word dildo in the same vein with my grandma...ooops, but now I just did. Thanks a lot rockinjoe!
Excellent Hub!
Hi Rachelle! Thanks so much for the nice comment. I almost forgot about this hub. I know waht you mean. My grandmother is probably rolling over in her grave right now :)
Hahahaha! This hub proved that you are, indeed, ROCKINJOE. I enjoyed reading this hub and I loved how the title caught my attention. :D Keep it up!
Cris A Level 2 Commenter 3 years ago
your great grandma's dildo sure does look big and delicious! i would like to get one but your ads are of no help to me! LOL i never learn do, i? always falling to the what ifs traps! :D