How To Get Yourself Fired

Are You Guilty of Any of the Following?

Getting fired is a horrible experience, but getting fired when you didn't even see it coming is something truly shocking. If you're guilty of any of the following five workplace no nos, you could very well find yourself on the outside looking in. The following situations and scenarios were either taken from my personal life, or folks I have worked with or known over the years.

1.) The Office Romance: No boss likes dealing with the office romance. They are a distraction to the workplace and other employees. Most large companies (especially large US retail chains) officially forbid them. Back in the days when I was a young store detective for a major department store, I was secretly dating my future wife, who worked at the customer service desk. Well, we thought it was a secret, until my boss called me into the office and asked. "Which one of you would like to leave?" I was surprised, as this was an extremely low key romance. Apparently, I had signed off on a no fraternization policy. We were both able to retain our jobs by my accepting a transfer to another store. A company isn't too concerned about workplace love when it's going well. But hates it when it goes bad. Be careful and stay out of the Copy Room, you two!

2.) You're Too Old For Your Job Description: Are you 40 and still working french fries? If you've become older and your co-workers are getting younger, that means you haven't progressed within the company. If you've out-aged yourself without showing any desire to move ahead in the company, you could find yourself without a gig. Especially these days. If you don't set goals and move ahead, why should the boss keep you around? Your company could probably hire two people for the price they're paying you to remain stagnant. Even though it is illegal in the US to fire someone because of their age, we all know that there are ways around the rules. Maybe your boss will start keeping a careful eye on your tardiness. "I'm sorry, Bill. You've been late 3 times this month. We know you've got 4 kids and a mortgage, but we're going to have to let you go."

3.) You've Outgrown Your Position: Remember Dean Wormer's words to Flounder in the movie, Animal House? "Fat, Lazy and Stupid is no way to go through life" Although you may not be lazy or stupid, overweight people have told me in the past how tough it is for them to get hired. I've never had to deal with the issue, but I'm assuming that weight discrimination is rampant. An overweight woman I worked with years ago told me that she had to take less of a job because of her weight issues. She was college educated in the secretarial field (with more than adequate computer skills for the time period) and couldn't seem to find a decent job anywhere. She had been passed up for countless reception-type jobs where younger, more attractive (and skinny) women were hired. She told me that she had been informed by a friend of hers who worked in a huge ad firm, that "good looking women" were hired for these types of jobs because "they made a good impression on clients, visitors and bigwigs." Now, this was second hand information to me, but I wouldn't doubt it happens everyday in corporate America.

4.) You're Sick And Can't Shut Up About It: Got cancer? Shut your mouth. Got a disease? AIDS? Shut your mouth and don't tell a soul at work. Workplace gossip (or your own BIG mouth) could place your job and your health insurance in jeopardy. Your company doesn't need a liability. Your being sick is a liability. Time out of work for medical treatments and increased insurance premiums are just two of several reasons your company doesn't need a sick person working for them.

5.) You're Burnt Out And You Don't Care Who Knows It: If your negative attitude and constant I don't give a crap complaining to your co-workers goes on too long, you might as well kiss your job goodbye. Co-workers will only listen to you for so long before the boss gets wind of your bad attitude. Negative ranting is a workplace disease and no boss (no decent one, anyway), wants his people infected. If you're burnt out, you already know it. Get a new job as soon as possible or you'll find yourself put out. If you can't find a job right away, at least quit your complaining until you find one. Good luck.